I don’t have ADD. At least, I don’t officially have it. What I do officially have is this inability to just “be.”  I always have to “do.” Sunday through Tuesday I’ll be doing a bit of teaching at a Conference held at a conference center in Middle of Nowhere, TX. I’ll have a good deal of down time and so I’m bringing the girls with me.  I’ll teach for about an hour or so each day and the rest of it is pretty much free; free to hang out with the girls, read a book, have a campfire, whatever.  Last night Lisa looked at me and said, “Are you going to be able to do this?”  “Of course. 3 days with no meetings and no interruptions?!  Absolutely.”

I was lying.  She knows it.

There’s something in me that is always itching to have a project, work on something, write something and that keeps me from ever feeling okay with just sitting, relaxing, and “being” and not “doing.”  I feel guilty when I just sit, even though I know that I need to; even though I know those I love need me to.

It’s something I pray about. It’s something that I know is really, at it’s heart, a pride issue for me. I think that the world needs my constant effort. Likewise, my sense of self-worth is tied to my ability to obsesssively achieve. Both are bad, narcissistic and sinful. (See, I’ve read enough of the scriptures to know how jacked I am.)  Thank you for Jesus.

All that said, I really am looking forward to this weekend. Really, I am.